Another wonderful evening spent with S & B. Tim and I are already getting weepy about them returning to France next week. We've been on a whirlwind of emotion and excitement this week as our normal life is continuing. I sat down today to catch up on my homework (I am a full time college student, taking 13 units this semester) and gathering paperwork from my son's ENT consultation to have tubes put in his ears from this morning as well. Life is pushing on, yet I'm relishing the beautiful gift that is about to come. Yesterday was my 25th birthday. I never thought that at 25 I would be celebrating 5 amazing years of marriage, raising two wonderfully healthy and happy children, and preparing to bring another child into the world that is not mine for keeps. I've always made it my mission to teach my children about giving without expectation of receiving anything in return, and at 4.5, that seems to be a tough concept for my daughter, but I know one day she will understand. I want Paisleigh to look back on her childhood and see that I gave my all for others.
For S & B, because they have experienced the absolutely painful loss of a child, I want nothing but joy for them. I've been asked what I look forward to the most out of this whole experience, and the first thing that comes to my head is a scene of the birth that is to come. I play over and over their reactions on their faces of when their child enters the world. For me, even if some of the details of birth go blurry, seeing and hearing in your mind the first minute of your child's birth is so unforgettable. I look forward to Dr. C delivering little Peanut and handing him/her directly to S. I feel like that moment will be the one that will make everyone around me see that this is exactly what I am going through all of this for. All of the appointments, the injections, the pain of delivery, the exhaustion of pregnancy with 2 children at home; it's all irrelevant to that one minute in someone else's life. It has nothing to with me, but has everything to do with two people that deserve to feel unconditionally loved and needed by a little being.
I feel like I have just been rambling. I'm tired, drained, excited, thrilled, and everything in between. I'm going to be so depressed when S & B return home, but I have my final medical screening this upcoming week so hopefully that will keep me distracted.
Only love today <3
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