Week 20 - Halfway Point!!

We did it! We made it to the halfway point!
I've been doing a lot of reflection this week. Although I have only been pregnant with this sweet little doll for only 5 months now, mine and my family's life has revolved around this process since January. Like I said last week, I thought I would start feeling her externally soon. Sure enough, just a few days after, I felt her kick from the outside. Like all of my pregnancies, as soon as you feel the first flutters, things start to feel real. Not with this pregnancy. It's been absolutely surreal and please bear with me if I get all over the place.

Taking my injections never made this feel real.
Going to my transfer never made this feel real.
Getting a positive pregnancy tsest never made this feel real.
Ultrasounds never made it feel real.
Hearing the heartbeat never made it feel real.
Feeling flutters never made it feel real.
Feeling her kick my hand on my belly - she is real, and she is coming soon!

I keep staring at this keyboard trying to think of the words that I'm feeling, but it's unlike anything I've felt before. They're not bad feelings, and they're not feelings of sadness... but they're different. As a family, we are not celebrating the upcoming arrival of "our" baby like we normally would. We are excited she's coming, and everyone acknowledges her, but it's different. I'm not preparing our home for a new baby. I'm not shopping for a new baby. I'm not diving into my books or browsing names for a new baby. I am keeping my distance, emotionally, from this one. Not that I would EVER want to keep her, I just don't want to be emotionally crushed when she goes home with her mom and dad. That's as easy as I can put it.